To be so open is welcome. It’s a data point. We can work with it. We can look to understand where it comes from. I enjoy grappling with root causes and exploring such topics together. I coach people; this quality of engagement is beneficial.

And quite often the hesitation is rooted in a lack of understanding about what coaching is and is not.

I hope this blog will generate greater awareness of the art of coaching. It was prompted by a really interesting comments from more than one player with whom I’ve been working.

The context: one of them wanted to share that they were feeling a bit cynical about coaching however it had been strongly suggested as a way of building on their strengths and developing as a more senior leader. They were interested to find that this comment did not deter me. To the contrary … ”Fine. Let’s talk that through”.

And talk it through we did. They became a coachee. Someone with whom I really enjoyed working.

One year on they  asked to add on six extra sessions as “it has been so invaluable”. The sponsor for the coaching has also “seen the impact the coaching has had”.

The interesting comment: “I’m glad it wasn’t a deconstruction and rebuild. That it isn’t therapy. That it’s about building on my existing success and focusing where I want to focus in order to succeed in future.”

I’ve been thinking hard about that. Deconstruction. Rebuild. Not therapy.

Clearly as a profession we have more work to do in explaining what we do, where it starts and where it ends.

They had thought that a coach would be looking to “knock me down and build me up again”. They’d thought that coaching equals psychoanalysis. This is the impression that they had of our coaching world.

They hadn’t realised, until they experienced it, that in coaching their objective for the future is key and we find ways of navigating over, under, around or through barriers and interference. We grapple with “what’s getting in the way” of future development and success. And what might enable it.

Coaching can be challenging if that serves the player’s objectives, so discomfort may be part of the process. Contrast this with therapy or counselling where the journey is key, the goal is often healing and the environment will possibly be designed to create a sense of comfort.

In coaching we build on “what is right” without a presumption that “something is wrong” (in fact, given I only work with successful people, very often nothing is wrong).  We are enhancing success; unlocking that next level of performance; invigorating and reinforcing talented people.

In therapy people may be off-balance in some way. If someone is in a less well-functioning state then the different skills of a psychiatrist or psychotherapist are needed in order to ensure reactions are managed and contained. Coaching, whilst supportive as well as challenging, doesn’t need to be contained in quite the same way.

I could continue but I think my point is made.

I need to be better, we need to be better, at explaining what coaching is not as well as what it is. This short blog hopefully contributes towards that.

No deconstruction at play. Promise.

Read more blogs from Tony: Which choice will you make to develop your leadership impact?

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Although the New Year is an arbitrary date, we human beings are programmed to symbolic beginnings and endings and invest heavily in the power of renewal and the new start. And so, many of us began the New Year with resolutions – make a job move, exercise daily, learn Spanish, lose 3 kilos, answer all emails within 24 hours…. All good ideas and honestly meant, but here we are one week into 2023 and already slipping and sliding down the slope of unfulfilled self-promises. So I would like to offer you 2 tools that can help with your New Year’s Resolutions.

Tool 1 Create a habit

In a presentation to Trusted Coach Directory coaches, Leadership Team Coach Dave Stitt posed the question: How can we protect our confidence?  One of his tools is to create habits. This is good advice in our context, as creating a habit is easier than fulfilling a resolution, because it tempts the brain with a doable action without any guilt attached. When we don’t fulfil a promise to ourselves, we are full of self-recrimination – which is a blow to our confidence. But without the glorious resolution I can happily get on with my habit; it’s just something I do every day.

Start with one action, then the same action again, and so on.  Soon, your actions have become habits, and you can proudly look back on your success. Checked your Excel sheet on contacts in your industry and reached out to 3 people this week.  Exercised 3 times this week and went for a run on Saturday. Dedicated 10 minutes to Spanish learning materials over a coffee 3 times this week. Refused chocolate, dessert and alcohol all week. Answered 70-80% of emails every day. You’re well on your way!

Tool 2 Decide what’s important

Sometimes we pluck resolutions seemingly out of the air. Make a job move, exercise daily, learn Spanish, (and so on, see above). But how important are these to you? How vital to your life and work are they?  If you are diagnosed with a serious health condition which requires a special diet to keep it under control, your food choices will be of utmost importance. So ask yourself what is really important? Is it moving jobs, or doing something to improve the work in your current job? What benefit would speaking Spanish bring?

I’m talking here about what we like to call values. I did a values exercise with a coaching client recently and he was quite surprised to identify his top 5 values, which made him realign his priorities for the coming year. Stability and security were one of the values he chose; the apparently exciting-looking job offer became less attractive, filled with uncertainty and extra workload as it was. If we can align our resolutions with our values, we have a better chance of keeping them. Happy New Year!

‘New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work – or perhaps they can’ – written by Career and Leadership Coach Susan Doering.

Susan is passionate to help clients solve challenges and achieve their goals, by guiding, empowering and enabling them to work at their best.

Read more blogs from Susan – Should we career coach women and men differently?

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Clearly, the starting point for any journey of self-understanding, is with us, the individual concerned. This requires us to be open, honest and accurate in our assessment of ourselves. This is trickier than it might seem, as self-perception has its limitations.

• Self-perception is highly subjective, and we may not always be able to apply an objective interpretation, with emotions, personal biases, ingrained habits and external factors all having an influence.
• Information can be selectively interpreted during self-perception to confirm existing beliefs or any self-serving biases.
• We may consciously or unconsciously compare ourselves to others, evaluating ourselves against their behaviours and achievements, distorting our self-perception. Comparisons may be based on unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves, potentially also deflecting attention away from other areas where we compare more favourably.
• It can be context dependent. Differences in our current situation, thoughts, emotions, and recent experiences can all have an impact and challenge our ability to be consistent and accurate in our self-reflection.
• We may choose, consciously or unconsciously, to see ourselves as we would like to be, rather than who we are, especially if the latter feels uncomfortable.
• Through self-perception we are less likely to acknowledge some of the more subtle nuances of our personality, behaviours, or emotions. While we might not notice such aspects, they may be highly visible to, and have an impact on, others.

Staying within the realms of our own (perhaps not overly challenging) self-perception is certainly easier but will not help us to grow and develop. Whilst the idea of asking for feedback can feel awkward or uncomfortable, understanding how others perceive our actions and behaviours is key to enhancing self-knowledge.

How might such a deeper understanding of ourselves, informed by feedback from others, help us? In the context of the workplace, understanding how we come across to others, how our behaviours affect teammates, and how we communicate with our direct reports or those we report to, enables us to adjust and modify our approach as appropriate.

Imagine if you knew how best to adapt your communication style depending on who you were talking with. Understanding the other person’s preferred working styles can ensure that information is exchanged more effectively.

How would it feel to have the confidence and knowledge to understand how best to apply yours and others’ strengths to build high-performing teams?

The Belbin Team Roles framework provides evidence-based practical advice and guidance enabling individuals to understand themselves and their strengths within a team. A Self-Perception Inventory (SPI) is used alongside Observer Assessments (OA) to provide individuals with a full picture of their behavioural styles at work enhancing self-awareness.

“To be authentic is to be the same person to others as you are to yourself. In part that entails paying attention to what others think of you, particularly people whose opinions you esteem and who will be candid in their feedback”. – Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review

Read the Case study: Belbin and Self-Awareness https://www.belbin.com/resources/belbin-case-studies/belbin-and-self-awareness-case-study

Watch the video: How to use Belbin reports to raise self-awareness and increase personal effectiveness: https://youtu.be/CmoUNv9os5s

Attend the next Practical Belbin Workshop on 14^th September 2023 in London (face to face event): https://www.belbin.com/belbin-training/a-practical-day-of-belbin

Belbin is a TCD Trusted Provider. Belbin is an online profiling tool that translates an individual’s unique combination of strengths into Team Role contributions. Based on decades of research and incorporating feedback from the whole team, the Belbin reports offer actionable solutions and advice to boost individual and team performance, improve dynamics and address conflict.

Using the language of Belbin helps people to understand which behavioural contribution is required, and when. In other words, Belbin enables managers and teams to work together and communicate openly and effectively, building trust and psychological safety and defusing conflict, even when teams are not co-located. 

The post Know thyself? Limitations of self-perception appeared first on Trusted Coach Directory.

Re-framing perspectives is a skill which enables the process of change to take place. For example, new coaches may hold the belief ‘I can’t start my coaching until I get my coaching certificate ’. Choosing to believe this is most likely going to be disempowering and de-energising and will stop the decision to move forward. However, if reframed to ‘I’m trained so I can start coaching immediately’, or ‘my certificate is on the way, so I can start using everything I’ve learnt to coach now’ – can have an immediate positive impact on our mind, body, and energy. And it ultimately supports the actions we decide to take.

You can test this concept out by talking about and focusing on a positive belief right now and notice the changes that happen in your outlook, energy and physiology as you do.

The type of language we use to speak, both to ourselves and to others, plays an important and powerful role in programming our body and mind to notice other perspectives and the many possibilities surrounding us. If we  ask ourselves different, challenging and opening up types of questions, we can create different better outcomes. Questions like:

• Is that perspective supporting me, and if not, what perspective have I not noticed yet that will support me?
• What is the positive intention behind this situation for me?
• What am I meant to be learning here which will support me?
• How else can I see/hear/feel this experience?
• What is it I have chosen to miss?
• What’s not true about this belief?
• If you could believe something else empowering, what would it be’?

Supporting your clients to tap into their resourcefulness is the key to identifying new powerful re-framing of perspectives. Author Dr John Demartini says, ‘there are two sides to everything’.  People often become addicted to just one side of their story, which can create the same results and experiences, which has a negative impact.  As a coach, you can support the client to challenge these addictions or habits of possibly limiting beliefs and assist them to reframe their language enabling new empowering perspectives by asking thought provoking questions.

And if you have strong trust and rapport with a client, you could be even more provocative by agreeing with their statement, such as, ‘Well, of course you CAN’T!’.  By being provocative, you can potentially create that spark, where the client see’s the challenge to reframe what they have shared, and that they can actually do what they say they can’t. 

Practice using the skills of deep listening and powerful questioning to support your client when re-framing perspectives and find new ways of finding different perspectives, ways of speaking and ways of being in the world. Turn the “I can’t“ into “I can“ and even more powerfully “I will“!

Be empowered.

Marie Quigley is a Master Certified Coach, Coach Supervisor, Trainer and Facilitator. She partners with senior leaders and high potentials in multi-national organisations supporting them as they lead through change, transition into higher roles and manage complex cultural business opportunities.

Read more blogs from Marie – Who is the world calling you to be?

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As we enter February, this ‘dropping off’ of resolve continues apace. At this rate I will have the pool to myself!

It got me thinking about something that happened to me on New Year’s day.  When, in a very unscientific experiment, I asked a group of my friends what their resolutions were. There was an awkward silence. You know the ones where everyone starts looking at their feet, or in this case, at the next mince pie. I waited a couple of minutes and asked again and then one of them said;

“I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, because it’s like admitting your guilty secrets, that you are overweight, or drink too much, or are obsessed with Chocolate”.  (She didn’t say this last one, I added it, as its one of mine).

I was really surprised, so I asked if that’s what everyone else was thinking and sure enough, they had all been thinking the same thing.

So I suggested a few things, which I use in my coaching to help people to focus on what they really want and get there.

(1)    Start with the right phrase.  “I want to START… being a better manager/lover/fighter/more strategic”, it helps us to think about ourselves in a positive light. It also means that when we flounder, we can always get back to starting again. Progress on the goal or New Years’ Resolution is always possible to regain because we promised we would ‘start’ not stop.

(2)    Believe in yourself.  A very clever Psychologist called Bandura coined the phrase ‘Self Efficacy’, which is a fancy name for self-belief. It has been shown repeatedly that self-belief can make the difference between success and failure, almost regardless of capability. Building self-belief, by breaking down goals into achievable steps removes barriers and creates a pathway to succeed. It’s easier to start small and work up from there.

(3)    Go with the flow. We all know the ‘fight vs flight’ response to anxiety. But the lesser known ‘freeze’ is something I see a lot in my coaching practice. People feel overwhelmed and stuck. They don’t know how to ‘unstick themselves’, which means that they miss out on promotion, moving jobs, travelling abroad. Using simple tools and exercises such as Motivational Maps © can help them ‘go with the flow’ and this makes progress fun, so more likely to work.

By now we had finished the mince pies and my friends were pulling on their boots to go for a walk. As we trudged around the field, each of them took time to share what they had decided to focus on in 2019, and I shared my chocolate, somewhat begrudgingly…

Have you kept your New Year’s Resolutions?

Leadership and Team Coach Kate O’Loughlin has experience working with Senior Leaders to help them to transform their organisation. She has a strong track record of working in both the private and public sectors, coaching both individuals and teams.

Read more blogs on Personal Growth – Using the Wheel of Life to look at Where you are Currently and Where You Would Like to Be

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Have you ever been in the situation where someone said something that made you so angry that you reacted defensively?  I have.  It is usually when I feel that either I am or someone close to me is being criticised unfairly…in my opinion.  My reaction is to defend, often by pointing out faults I see in the person who is stating their opinion.  Not the best way to behave on my part.  

It is important that coaches do not allow this occasion to arise in coaching.  In a coaching relationship the whole orientation of the coach is to be there for and with the coachee in an authentic way.  This means that the coach is fully present, ‘in the moment’.   Good coaches are attuned to listen, observe and feel what is happening in the client, in themselves and between them.  Being alert to gestures, words, body language, tone and pitch that the coachee is using.  Coaches bring these to his/her awareness as a means to explore for meaning. 

Curiosity

I believe that the role of coach is to be open and curious to explore and learn and to help the coachee do the same.   When coaches are truly present they do not worry about whether they are adding value to the client or what tool to use or experiment to conduct.   They allow themselves to ‘be’ and allow the ‘right’ intervention to emerge from what is happening between the in that moment be it a metaphor that springs to mind or sharing a visceral experience that the coach is experiencing having i.e. coach and coachee dance together in the moment.   It is widely recognised that when coaches let go in this way the most powerful insights and learning are derived. 

Flow

To my mind, this state of flow, where the coach and coachee dance synchronously, is analogous to the process of dialogue.  Dialogue is a much used word that I find mostly means to engage in an open discussion between two or more parties.  I believe this type of conversation is important and often leads to greater understanding of the various positions and perspectives that are ‘in the room’.  What I am referring to is the definition of dialogue espoused by David Bohm.  He reminds us that the root of dialogue comes from Greek; logos means ‘the word’ and dia means through.  So a dialogue can be within one person or amongst many.  Bohm talks about a “stream of meaning flowing among and through us and between us. This will make possible a flow of meaning in the whole group, out of which may emerge some new understanding.  It’s something new, which may not have been in the starting point at all.  It’s something creative.”   He goes on to state that a dialogue group does not decide what to do about anything; the group must have an empty space where they are not obliged to do anything, come to any conclusions, say or not say anything.  It’s an empty space where anything may come in and after the group has finished they empty the space.

Creativity

Coaches create a safe space for the coachee to do whatever work they feel is necessary as part of their exploration, growth and development.  Within the boundaries of the coaching relationship I believe that coach and coachee can enter into a dialogue at any moment without a specific goal in mind except to allow creativity and learning to emerge.  It is important that there is a strong and trusting relationship between the coach and coachee since dialogue demands courage and self-confidence.  Both coach and coachee need to have the maturity to suspend their assumptions and be curious to examine their emotions; neither reacting, as I described at the beginning of this blog, nor suppressing them. 

Dialogue is scary and exciting.  I believe it has the power to unlock new possibilities.  If coaches are willing to persevere dialogue can take the coaching relationship to new heights of learning and growth in coaching.

Joan van den Brink, “your personal chemist”, is a freelance management consultant and owner of Araba Consulting.  She works with individuals and organisations to tailor solutions that make them stronger and more capable.  Joan has had a rich experience in a wide-ranging career that spans Marketing, Operations, HR, Communications and Management Consulting in global and local public and private sector organisations.  She has travelled extensively throughout her life, working in the Americas, Asia, Australasia, Africa, the Middle East and Europe.

Bohm, D. On dialogue, Routledge Classics, 2004, Abingdon, UK and New York, USA, p6

Read more blogs from Joan: “You are not listening to me!”

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